Sunday, March 18, 2007

 

Bike Trail Bike Club


I've had a very good day today. Not only am a seeing a fantastic woman but she lets me out to play as well. I've been out around the lanes around Portsmouth today with the Bike Trail Bike Club. I didn't even know such a thing existed until somebody mentioned it on one of the motorbike forums. I'll have to pay my subs and make sure I get out with them again.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

 

Moving On

I was reading some divorce and separation web sites the other day. One of the comments was from a man who said that after 6 months he went on his first date and all he could talk about was his ex-wife and family. This made him realise that he wasn't ready to start dating yet.

That's not me. I'm dating and happy doing it. This has made me realise that my marriage was over, other man or not, and I'm glad Val had the strength to finish it because I didn't, assuming I'd been able to realise that it was over in the first place.

Anyway, as for the dating, I'm seeing a friend I've known a long time. We both know it might not work and both know we should take it slowly but having spent the weekend with her my feelings for her are more than friendship and we both want to try and make it work.

Am I just on the rebound? May be (but then how would I know, I've never experienced this before) but as far as I can tell, I'm not.

A wife changes to a close friend and a close friend changes to a lover. Life moves on and for Val and me it's moving in the right direction.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

 

Another day

I'm back from a weekend away at my parents. I'm glad I went away - I wouldn't have liked to have been rattling around in the house whilst Val was out with the Other Man. The weekend wasn't too bad: sometimes I was feeling quite postive other times missing Val and jealous. Interstingly enough (to me at least) it wasn't the thought of sex that caused the jealousy but sharing the simple intimacies of everyday life, like discussing what clothes go together, chatting about something whilst dressing or sharing a beer down the pub. I'm not quite sure what that say's about my feelings for Val, but there you are.

I went out by myself to visit my brother and then an old friend on Saturday night. It's wierd but that's the first time in a long time I've made the effort to meet up with somebody without Val. And having done it, I felt quite good.

Now I just need to work out how to meet more people.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

 

Separation

Well my marriage of nearly 20 years is over - I'm not actually divorced just yet but Val and I are separated. Anyway I thought it would be useful (to me at least) to write down how I'm feeling as my life changes so I can look back on it.

So quick summary of events so far. A couple of weeks ago Val came home and told me she wanted to leave me for another man. Ow. We had a holiday booked for last week to Marrakech so we decided the right thing to do was to go on holiday together and talk.

We certainly talked, more than we've talked in a long time (which is part of the reason we ended up in this state in the first place). At the end of the holiday I wanted us to have a 3 month trail together but Val was unconvinced. She went away by herself for a couple of days to make a decision.

Needless to say I was feeling somewhat empty and despairing at this point. So to try and put my thought in some sort of order I wrote her a long email explaining how I felt and why - it was easier to be coherent over email rather than sobbing on each others shoulders.

She wrote me a loverly thoughtful heartfelt reply which basically said she loves me as a friend but no longer as a partner. As I checked my private email at work, I ended up reading this at work. That was the end of the day for me and I had to come home.

At some point between reading the email at work and Val coming home from parents evening (she's a teacher) I found I'd accepted and understood it was over. I think I realised that she wasn't abandoning our marriage for another man but had thought long and hard about it - we hadn't really felt like husband and wife for a few years and the relationship really had come to a natural end - certainly for her and may be for me as well.

May be if we'd talked more we could've saved our marriage or may be we would've just split up earlier. Also if she hadn't found somebody else perhaps we would've never talked and grown more distant until one of us ended up having an affair and hurting the other one.

So I'm now feeling like I've got a whole new exciting life in front of me. Val and I are still going to be very good friends and we're going to help each (and William) through the separation. No doubt there will be times when I'll be lonely and depressed but just at the moment I'm not. After all, I've got a well paid job, only work four days a week and have a very nice motorbike - if I can't be happy it'll nobody else's fault but my own.

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